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Submitted by Uncrate on December 15th, 2008

You should listen to Ralphie Parker — he knows a thing or two about what makes a good gift. Taken directly from his “What I Want for Christmas” school theme: “What I want for Christmas is a Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time. I think that everybody should have a Red Ryder BB gun. They’re very good for Christmas. I don’t think that a football’s a very good Christmas present.” Rarely had the words poured from his penny pencil with such feverish fluidity. And while it’s true, that the football won’t shoot your eye out, it definitely also won’t lead to imaginative gun battles with the local Black Bart.

Submitted by Uncrate on December 4th, 2008

Contrary to popular belief and a 200 year old song, a partridge in a pear tree would not make a good gift. Even if you can get past the logistics of seeing your uncle Hal walking through the foyer with a large, planted fruit tree in which a bulbous pheasant is residing, the obvious question is where in the heck are you going to plant this tree, and, more importantly, what does a partridge eat? You better hope it’s pears.