Submitted by Uncrate on January 2nd, 2009

Your brother-in-law plays semi-pro baseball. So you get him a neon yellow outfielders softball glove. Your aunt is a master chef (or likes to think she is). So you get her a $9.99 64-piece knife set from the shop-at-home network. Your dad is a Corvette nut. So you get him a Ford hat. Your kid brother lives online, playing WoW and blogging as long as his eyes remain open. So you get him The Internet for Newbies hand guide. You get the idea. Let the experts get their own gear. That’s why they’re the experts and you’re not.

Submitted by Uncrate on January 1st, 2009

Unless you’re buying for a 9 year old, gag gifts shouldn’t even be a consideration on your next gift buying journey. The stuff may sound funny enough –  Fake Wining Lottery Tickets, Remote Control Fart Machine, Fake Parking Tickets, Electric Shocking Pen, Super Fart Spray, Embarrassing Fake Receipts, Snotty Nose Egg Separator, Farting Santa or Mooning Santa — but come on. Nobody really wants this stuff. Well, Ok. We actually would like to have one of those egg separators. Hey, we’re only human.

Submitted by Uncrate on December 22nd, 2008

Have you ever gifted your way into oblivion? That is, are you so uninterested in what you’re buying for folks that you somehow have ended up giving your sister a bath robe three out of the last four years? Yeah, there’s nothing worse than giving someone the same thing you gave them last year. So unless you’re giving out vintage convertibles every year, you need start paying attention to what you’re buying — because the recipient surely is.

Submitted by Uncrate on December 15th, 2008

You should listen to Ralphie Parker — he knows a thing or two about what makes a good gift. Taken directly from his “What I Want for Christmas” school theme: “What I want for Christmas is a Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time. I think that everybody should have a Red Ryder BB gun. They’re very good for Christmas. I don’t think that a football’s a very good Christmas present.” Rarely had the words poured from his penny pencil with such feverish fluidity. And while it’s true, that the football won’t shoot your eye out, it definitely also won’t lead to imaginative gun battles with the local Black Bart.

Submitted by Uncrate on December 4th, 2008

Contrary to popular belief and a 200 year old song, a partridge in a pear tree would not make a good gift. Even if you can get past the logistics of seeing your uncle Hal walking through the foyer with a large, planted fruit tree in which a bulbous pheasant is residing, the obvious question is where in the heck are you going to plant this tree, and, more importantly, what does a partridge eat? You better hope it’s pears.